As of this very moment this was written, it was because of guilt, sorrow and appreciation; guilt from what I have done and what I have not done, sorrow because of what I am going through now and appreciation because I know there are people, my real friends out there who are there to support me morally.
What else can I ask for? While replying Facebook messages and typing this in tears, I know I am not alone despite being alone now.
The feeling of relieved mixed with sorrow, I am beginning to feel the warmth of friendship, which easily overcome my sorrow, carving a weak smile on my face.
To all my dear friends, I must admit that I might not be the best friend to you, but I can't change the past. However, I can assure you that I will be there for you in the future if you ever needs me.
I finally realized all over again something that I know off... the meaning of friendship.
I love you guys... and girls... you people will be the reason I will prevail.
Thank you for being there for me at the lowest point of my life. Know that I will be there for you in return.
Crying, and smiling...
-andromedia-
Saturday, October 13, 2012
The Beginning of andromedia...
Remember... things in life may change overnight but it will never change who you really are, what you are capable of and the thoughts you have in mind.
Continue the improvement and be a better person... I know you well enough to know you can do it...
Save your plans for the future as one fine day, when another opportunity comes knocking, you will be prepared and ready do the right thing. Have faith in yourself.
You have survived through various obstacles in life. What doesn't kill you will just make you stronger, smarter and better.
It's time to open up yourself to face what life has to offer you from today onwards. Don't look back from now on so that you can focus on what is coming to you.
Take it with the lessons you have learned and you shall see life is testing you, teaching you and improving you before granting you the best gift you deserved in life.
Remember, you were once told the best part of your life has just started. It might be filled with challenges, but you were groomed all your life for this. Now, use what you have learned wisely and turn the negative powers to positive energy.
Remove your shield and armor and face life yourself. It might be risky but you are meant to be who you are, not hiding behind a mask. You might just be surprised of what you might experience.
Now, make the best out of yourself for the benefit of yourself, your friends and your family. You were once told, it takes a man to say "I am sorry". Now you realized what it actually meant and the power it will grant you. It opened a door to a whole new level you have been suppressing. Unleash your potential, shave away the bad and welcome the good.
Your life has just begun!
Awaken,
-andromedia-
Continue the improvement and be a better person... I know you well enough to know you can do it...
Save your plans for the future as one fine day, when another opportunity comes knocking, you will be prepared and ready do the right thing. Have faith in yourself.
You have survived through various obstacles in life. What doesn't kill you will just make you stronger, smarter and better.
It's time to open up yourself to face what life has to offer you from today onwards. Don't look back from now on so that you can focus on what is coming to you.
Take it with the lessons you have learned and you shall see life is testing you, teaching you and improving you before granting you the best gift you deserved in life.
Remember, you were once told the best part of your life has just started. It might be filled with challenges, but you were groomed all your life for this. Now, use what you have learned wisely and turn the negative powers to positive energy.
Remove your shield and armor and face life yourself. It might be risky but you are meant to be who you are, not hiding behind a mask. You might just be surprised of what you might experience.
Now, make the best out of yourself for the benefit of yourself, your friends and your family. You were once told, it takes a man to say "I am sorry". Now you realized what it actually meant and the power it will grant you. It opened a door to a whole new level you have been suppressing. Unleash your potential, shave away the bad and welcome the good.
Your life has just begun!
Awaken,
-andromedia-
A week more...
I can't sleep, hence the hours.
Finally, the decision was made by her and she is ready to move on. She will be moving out next week along with the 2 pets we used to share; a rabbit and a more recent addition, a pomeranian.
I am so confused and down that I do not really know what to say, except sad. Despite whatever front I put up, it will never change the fact that I am simply sad over the fact that we have reached the end of our journey.
I know eventually I will have to move on, but as of now, it is hard... extremely hard. While I am sure that she feels somehow sad to, but I can't say I know for what reasons. Over the last couple of weeks, she has changed, a lot, and I barely knew her much anymore.
It is without a doubt I disliked her friends and her lady employer whom were the main reason we came to this, but of course, I am the still main reason why she left me. I knew that. I did blame myself.
I guess, no words will be good enough to describe how miserable I am feeling now. Being all alone after so many years with no one close enough to share your thoughts and feelings. I finally realized that while I am telling her to move on and don't back at the past, I am looking back at the past and am stuck there myself.
Perhaps in a week's time, after she moved out completely, we can both carry on with our life. The next 1 week will be the toughest yet. I know I will miss her... much... so much that I can't think of a work to describe just how much.
I wish for her happiness and health in the future, with or without me. I will probably not be able to face her anymore in the future, but if you are reading this, regardless of who you are and for what reason, please help me to pray for her safety and happiness. In return, I will pray for yours too.
Counting down,
andromedia.
Finally, the decision was made by her and she is ready to move on. She will be moving out next week along with the 2 pets we used to share; a rabbit and a more recent addition, a pomeranian.
I am so confused and down that I do not really know what to say, except sad. Despite whatever front I put up, it will never change the fact that I am simply sad over the fact that we have reached the end of our journey.
I know eventually I will have to move on, but as of now, it is hard... extremely hard. While I am sure that she feels somehow sad to, but I can't say I know for what reasons. Over the last couple of weeks, she has changed, a lot, and I barely knew her much anymore.
It is without a doubt I disliked her friends and her lady employer whom were the main reason we came to this, but of course, I am the still main reason why she left me. I knew that. I did blame myself.
I guess, no words will be good enough to describe how miserable I am feeling now. Being all alone after so many years with no one close enough to share your thoughts and feelings. I finally realized that while I am telling her to move on and don't back at the past, I am looking back at the past and am stuck there myself.
Perhaps in a week's time, after she moved out completely, we can both carry on with our life. The next 1 week will be the toughest yet. I know I will miss her... much... so much that I can't think of a work to describe just how much.
I wish for her happiness and health in the future, with or without me. I will probably not be able to face her anymore in the future, but if you are reading this, regardless of who you are and for what reason, please help me to pray for her safety and happiness. In return, I will pray for yours too.
Counting down,
andromedia.
Monday, October 1, 2012
The finale...
Over the weekend, despite being unwell, I managed to do some thinking, or rather, a lot. Lying on the bed and the sofa, you can't really do much but think.
After much consideration and thoughts, I have decided to talk to her 1 last time. I have decided to tell her that I am letting go.
I simply cannot tolerate and accept the fact that she is seeing this guy and spending so much vacation time with him. I don't believe much guys can. Maybe a handful, but I am not amongst them.
The feeling of my heart being squeezed has been the most painful experienced for me over the weekend. Everyone have been telling me to love myself. I guess they are right. If I let myself carrying on these sufferings, it is only a matter of time before it turns to something worse.
I might not love someone ever the same again, nor I may not fall in love with anyone every again, but at least I can still live on with my life, with my friends and families around me.
She may not read this ever, but one day, if I ever decided to let her read this, I hope that she understand why I had to made this decision.
I can't go on carrying false hope. That is not me. I am a man who honors loyalty and principle. I have never went out with anyone whom I know had feelings for me to ensure that my love one will not be hurt. I would rather sacrifice a friend rather than hurting her.
I never told her that, nor have I told her enough how much I have done. She have done things for me, visible to everyone around us, but I have also done things for her, for us which only I knew. For what ever reasons that they are worth, she was my priority in most of the things I do.
Anyhow, none of this matters now. Soon, I will have that long overdue talk with her; the talk to finalize things between us. The ownership transfer, future accommodation, our pets, our relationship as simple-normal friends and etc.
I wanted her to know, from a guy's perspective, how much it hurts when she is doing all the thing she is doing. Regardless of the outcome, rest assured that I will carry on living and make the better person out of myself.
Here, I thank all the people that have been supportive to me, and her all these years. Sorry that things didn't worked out for us. I still thank you for being there for me when I needed all of you the most.
Please know that I will do the same for you when you ever need me my friends.
Signing off,
andromedia.
After much consideration and thoughts, I have decided to talk to her 1 last time. I have decided to tell her that I am letting go.
I simply cannot tolerate and accept the fact that she is seeing this guy and spending so much vacation time with him. I don't believe much guys can. Maybe a handful, but I am not amongst them.
The feeling of my heart being squeezed has been the most painful experienced for me over the weekend. Everyone have been telling me to love myself. I guess they are right. If I let myself carrying on these sufferings, it is only a matter of time before it turns to something worse.
I might not love someone ever the same again, nor I may not fall in love with anyone every again, but at least I can still live on with my life, with my friends and families around me.
She may not read this ever, but one day, if I ever decided to let her read this, I hope that she understand why I had to made this decision.
I can't go on carrying false hope. That is not me. I am a man who honors loyalty and principle. I have never went out with anyone whom I know had feelings for me to ensure that my love one will not be hurt. I would rather sacrifice a friend rather than hurting her.
I never told her that, nor have I told her enough how much I have done. She have done things for me, visible to everyone around us, but I have also done things for her, for us which only I knew. For what ever reasons that they are worth, she was my priority in most of the things I do.
Anyhow, none of this matters now. Soon, I will have that long overdue talk with her; the talk to finalize things between us. The ownership transfer, future accommodation, our pets, our relationship as simple-normal friends and etc.
I wanted her to know, from a guy's perspective, how much it hurts when she is doing all the thing she is doing. Regardless of the outcome, rest assured that I will carry on living and make the better person out of myself.
Here, I thank all the people that have been supportive to me, and her all these years. Sorry that things didn't worked out for us. I still thank you for being there for me when I needed all of you the most.
Please know that I will do the same for you when you ever need me my friends.
Signing off,
andromedia.
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