The finale...

Over the weekend, despite being unwell, I managed to do some thinking, or rather, a lot. Lying on the bed and the sofa, you can't really do much but think.

After much consideration and thoughts, I have decided to talk to her 1 last time. I have decided to tell her that I am letting go.

I simply cannot tolerate and accept the fact that she is seeing this guy and spending so much vacation time with him. I don't believe much guys can. Maybe a handful, but I am not amongst them.

The feeling of my heart being squeezed has been the most painful experienced for me over the weekend. Everyone have been telling me to love myself. I guess they are right. If I let myself carrying on these sufferings, it is only a matter of time before it turns to something worse.

I might not love someone ever the same again, nor I may not fall in love with anyone every again, but at least I can still live on with my life, with my friends and families around me.

She may not read this ever, but one day, if I ever decided to let her read this, I hope that she understand why I had to made this decision.

I can't go on carrying false hope. That is not me. I am a man who honors loyalty and principle. I have never went out with anyone whom I know had feelings for me to ensure that my love one will not be hurt. I would rather sacrifice a friend rather than hurting her.

I never told her that, nor have I told her enough how much I have done. She have done things for me, visible to everyone around us, but I have also done things for her, for us which only I knew. For what ever reasons that they are worth, she was my priority in most of the things I do.

Anyhow, none of this matters now. Soon, I will have that long overdue talk with her; the talk to finalize things between us. The ownership transfer, future accommodation, our pets, our relationship as simple-normal friends and etc.

I wanted her to know, from a guy's perspective, how much it hurts when she is doing all the thing she is doing. Regardless of the outcome, rest assured that I will carry on living and make the better person out of myself.

Here, I thank all the people that have been supportive to me, and her all these years. Sorry that things didn't worked out for us. I still thank you for being there for me when I needed all of you the most.

Please know that I will do the same for you when you ever need me my friends.

Signing off,
andromedia.