I am not hungry...

Having not eaten anything for the past 21 hours at least, I should feel hungry. Strangely, I am not. I survived on water.

My current bad cough and bad shoulder might have contributed to the fact, but I believe the main reason is because of my mental state.

I remember last weekend, I spend the night drinking and not getting drunk. I don't know how that happened. All I remember is that I wanted to keep on drinking to a state I just forget everything.

Last night, I wanted to find someone to talk to so badly, only to realized that there isn't many of them in which I am willing to talk to. And those whom I wished to talk to are not available.

I felt so lost. What am I doing to myself? I am supposed to love myself, but what is happening around me do not warrant me to love myself. Humans are filled with emotions. No doubt we shouldn't let our emotions affect our decision, but it is simply not that simple.

Have you ever lost someone you love? If you do, do you remember how long you grief? Do you recall that feeling of sorrow?

That feeling is renewed everyday! Each day, I gave myself false hope, only to be hit by reality that she is not coming back to me. It is like getting disappointed over and over again for the same thing. And to those who says it will soon get easier, I am sorry to tell you that it is not. It hurts much more each time.

This morning, I woke up to tears, not much but enough to know I cried. I don't know why. Could it be because I dreamed of something? I can't remember. I am really on the brink of a emotional breakdown, so much so that I can feel that it is coming.

Therefore, I have decided to have another talk with her tonight. I will tell her everything I wanted to tell her. And after that, I will let her go, forever. I believe that is for the best for me, her and her new love. Let me be the one who at least able to make her happy by granting her my blessings.

That is the last thing I can do for her while I am still around for I am not sure I can still carry on living without her.

Lost,
andromedia.