Today felt like the longest, toughest day of my life just yet. I have against my heart told her to leave me, a place once we called home for a guy whom she like now this morning.
The truth is, I want her to stay, to stay by me forever, and I shall provide her with all my heart, my soul, my love and my care. I tried telling her directly, but she rejected me.
I am lost. I admit that I was wrong in the past, but don't I really deserved a second chance? I have never for once been disloyal to her, something I believe no woman should feel. I might have hurt her feelings but I dare to swore to the all the mighty powers out there, I have never for once intended to hurt her. Unfortunately, I might have done that indirectly.
No guys can accept the fact that the girl they love goes out with another guy. Each time she goes out with him, my heart felt so painful as if someone just wrapped my heart in their palm and squeezed it with all their might. I meant that almost literally. It hurts that much.
At midnight, it marks the Mooncake Festival, or the Chinese Valentine's Day, and she is spending it with him. That hurts so much but I am unable to show it to her. I know if I do, not only that she will not feel anything but instead, she will only feel sorry for me and perhaps a little suffering on her side for making me feeling such misery.
Therefore, I chose to hide them. All I can do is to tell the world through the Internet, but while I am doing it, no one is reading simply because I told no one about this. I am just writing this so that I felt I told someone. At least someone knows what I am going through.
I am not asking for pity nor help. No one in this world can help me nor should they help me. I was the reason she has a change of heart, so I want to be the only reason she returns. There are already people around her influencing her to leave me. I don't want anyone I know to do the same for her to return to me.
The problem is, for each day she is with him, the more offended I become. For reason I mentioned earlier, I can't accept the fact that she falls for another guy while we were still together. It doesn't matter if she has not accepted him back then, but I felt cheated.
I want to win her back fast, but she claimed I was rushing things. How can I tell her how I feel? I tried telling directly and indirectly, but she refused to listen.
Have I really lost her? Is there nothing I can do to win her back? Despite the fact I have realized all my mistakes and am trying my best to improve myself, have I not deserve a chance?
If all the above is true, then what is the meaning of me living my life anymore? I have for the last 7 years planned my life with her. Now that she is no longer part of my life, do I still have a reason to live on?
To be honest, I don't see myself strong enough to carry on living without her. So, if there is any other reason for me to live on, please, to any mighty powers out there, please return her to me.
I will swear to love her with all my heart, till the end of time.
Sincerely,
andromedia.
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